A warm-up for Turkey Day!

Hey, check this out! > > http://www.msn.americangreetings.com/view.pd?i=382219626&m=1652&rr=y

If you dont laugh at this, you shit out your sense of humor allong with your last brain cell wile huffing paint you bastard!

Woops. ok.... breath...ok..now....imagine you are in a meadow, next to a babbling brook..yes...that nice isnt it?? Right next to the happy trees....and hey, theres Brian, doing his Naked interpretive dance of the wounded butterfly! ahhhhhhhhhH!!!!

Of course, only brian could have a dick INSECTS could relate to! ahahahh!

Ok, flame retardent shorts ON!
M

All Hail October!

There is another month I love but its only for the selfish nature of receiving gifts!( Thank you Jesus).

October holds so many things I like to do. Let’s start with MUSHROOMS! It is so much fun to stomp around the woods looking for Chanterelle Mushrooms here on the Oregon coast! They are a native mushroom to this area and you can find them from about early September through November, until the frost begins! Of course, for a few weeks, it can be a little hairy galloping around the country side, dodging deer hunters and all that wildlife that can eat you, these are few and far between, but when you are picking in some of the higher elevations around saddle mountain, I know there are Cougars and some bears, but I’m told they are supposed to be more afraid of us than them, but I swear, with my luck, I’d might as well have a pork chop hanging from my neck! Anyway, they are very delicious, but I warn you if you have never picked them, take someone who has! There are many look-alike mushrooms out there! I understand some of them could really ruin your day;)

Fishing for King Salmon on the Necanicum River in seaside, Oregon! These big bruisers come in late July, till the middle of November. Nothing quite like hooking a 30 plus pounder in a small river with a million places for them to snag themselves! This will be my first season in my new boat you’ve read about, so I am anxious to get out there and try it out! Trolling spinner and floating eggs under bobbers is another, one which I intend to master now that I can go alone as often as I want!

And of course, Razzor Clams! Oh ya! They have had allll summer to rest and eat, frolic in the waves and of course, ejaculate their sperm and eggs in a giant bivalve wave of love! Yes, you got it! I’m excited….I think I need to talk to someone about that…J

Oh ya, and one last thing, only a month left till the first of the Steelies come in the local rivers!

M

Fishing been real, been fun, but not REEL fun!

Been fishing quite a bit on the Nehalem river with friends and the wife. Yup, took the last thing a man should take fishing and wouldn’t you know, she has led me to the two Chinook that I have caught? Shit, the second time was hilarious. She was sitting like usual in the front and keeping conversation lively and interesting when I noticed she kept sitting up-right and stretching. Well, I thought she was merely tired of sitting and waiting for something to happen. Little did I know what was to come, would require the use of 10 hours of prayer and a sacrifice on my boat to rid the vessel of the sacrilegious action from my wife! After watching her struggle with the seat and become persistently more and more uncomfortable, I asked the question…”Dear, is there something wrong?”. Well, she replied that the seat was rubbing her bra strap and making her uncomfortable. As if that wasn’t enough estrogen to sink my masculine boat, she reaches into her sweater, un-tethers her Coast guard Approved Boobies and whips her bra out in front of god and the rest of us fisherman and proclaims “That’s much better!” Then, as if the fishing Karma wasn’t ruined forever, she proceeded to stuff her massive boob sling into MY COOLER!
Oh man, we had some fun! Neither of us could stop laughing! But you know the old rule of never take your wife fishing must only apply if you let your wife fish! She has been out with me three times and I have caught two real nice Chinook With her! Considering she has never really fished before, on land or in a boat, she is awesome on the net! She has no interest to fish, so for now, life is good!
I have added a picture of a stick and a bullhead I caught the other day! Talk about skill! Well, to wrap this up, I must say that fishing on the Nehalem can be very rewarding, if not for the fish, then for the strip tease my wife can put on! You know, its funny, we saw no other boats till she disrobed! Love you honey!

M

Here's a good Rib-Tickler!

WHAT NOT TO NAME YOUR DOG
Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy." I call mine Sex. Now Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to City Hall to renew his dog license I told the clerk I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like to have one too." Then I said, "But this is a dog." He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand. I've had Sex since I was nine years old." He said I must have been quite a kid.When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me, and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the place was for sex. I said, "You don't understand. Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too."One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking around. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me I should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have Sex on TV." He called me a showoff.When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married." The judge said, "Me too." Then I told him that after I was married Sex left me. He said, "Me too."Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, "What are you doing in this alley at 4 o'clock in the morning?" I said I was looking for Sex. My case comes up Friday!